The plan is to launch our first Kickstarter Campaign for the new EP within the next two weeks. We will be writing and recording 5 new tracks and finally recording our version of 'Oh How He Loves Us' that we've been playing for two years now. Seems like "everybody" is releasing versions of that song and biased or not, I think we have the superior arrangement. But that's just me... The goal is for the EP to be released in April.
So in the last two weeks two people have asked me if I have ever considered writing a book, an autobiography actually, of my life, travels and experiences. One of these was my cousin who asked me why I hadn't published a simple one page testimony and didn't I think my story would be a great resource/testimony to others considering I'm still standing after 31 years come Jan. 23.
I know I'm suppose to write... write something. I'm just not so presumptuous to think my story would be of that much interest. The Lunsford's even bought me a micro-cassette recorder back in '03 hoping it would help start the process. The idea makes me want to kick myself for not starting a journal when I was a teen.
I attempted to start a journal twice. They were something like 5 years apart. A few years ago I found the second journal and read the first and only entry I made. There was something suspiciously familiar about it so I dug out my first journaling attempt, read the initial and only entry and realized that both initial entries we're frighteningly the same. I would copy both here except that I have no idea where they are.
The first entry went something like, "my name is X. I'm X years old. I'm a miserable wretch" and then I proceeded to write personal but vague examples of why I was so unsatisfied or miserable with my life and self; my failure to walk in full submission to God; disobedience; things of that nature.
Jump 5 years later and my second attempt at journaling started with "my name is X. I'm X years old. I'm a miserable wretch" with personal but vague examples of why I was so unsatisfied or miserable with my life and self. What was unnerving to me was that the reasons for my discontent were exactly the same. Nothing had "changed" in 5 years. I'm so thankful the case isn't the same today.
Today I have purpose and vision. The same purpose and vision I started out with. The difference is, submitting to the call on my life and obeying that call is no longer a source of fear or something I don't want to be a cooperative part of. I run to it - not away from it.
One of the things that was pivotal in this "transformation" was enduring the hardships that came with bad decisions; the reaping of bad fruit from sowing bad seed (I sowed a lot of bad seed between 1984 - 1992). Because of that I reaped a lot of hardship and bad fruit between 1994 - 2003. Then you have the overlap of months and years. Then the domino effect. And just because you start to sow good seed and you start to reap good fruit doesn't mean the overlap doesn't come into play and then when that happens you have to still sow good seed no matter how much life might be sucking. Stir then repeat. I know this is a simplistic look at it and many other factors are involved but, I would think this is the #1 killer of people's faith and walks: The Cycles.
Another pivotal thing was standing against all odds. This would lead us to the church we go to now. A place and a people, a body that has been paramount in my restoration; the breathing room to address the cycles, etc. My journal entry today would look nothing like the two previous ones because of the last decade.
I'm thinking of the overlap, the cycle. How many times do we "repent" only to race back to our own vomit? or to the grave where our old self lies? only to dig up an arm or a leg, insisting that we need this piece to go forward?
The overlap, these cycles, can be a scary thing to maneuver. Add the fact that the majority of us are absolutely blind to it's existence, or worst yet, don't believe in them, and you have an almost impossible way out as reaping bad fruit overlaps with the sowing of good seed (I'll leave out the generational overlap for now).
My name is Allan Aguirre. I am 46 years old. Today is January 1st, 2011 and as unstable as this year looks, in the practical sense (the economy, our nations's leadership or lack thereof, the rise of global anti-Semitism, the growth of Islam, the tolerance for evil and the intolerance for the truth, etc.), I am secure in the reality of the Elohim of Israel and His Messiah in my life and in the life of my family. I raise high the Cup of Salvation and call upon the Holy Name of ADONAI. I vow to You in Your assembly and in the courts of Your House. I long for Your very Heart: Jerusalem and only You can make my heart rejoice. Your teachings, promises and everlasting covenants are a seal upon my heart.
Labels: cycles, journaling, Kickstarter, Men As Trees Walking, reaping and sowing, Torah